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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986256">an update on me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaTunaSamich/pseuds/DaTunaSamich'>DaTunaSamich</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dead Dove: Do Not Eat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:07:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>728</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25986256</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaTunaSamich/pseuds/DaTunaSamich</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I saw myself in the mirror tonight after i had changed into my pj’s, and I saw messy hat hair, and few days worth of not shaving, and for the first time in a long time,</p><p>I liked what I saw staring back,</p><p>It’s kinda messed up isn’t it, but ive been struggling with my self image?, i'm tired and my vocabulary isnt going to be as sharp as it normally is, but the fact remains that I can finally like who i’m seeing in my mirror.</p><p>And I was 230 pounds obese when I was a kid, 13-18 and I couldn’t stand to look at myself in admiration, i'm 20 now and I'm down to 208ish this morning, and working out more.</p><p>But that realization that I smiled when i saw my face and my body when i looked, it was the most uplifting feeling in the world, and I'm almost tearing up writing this right now, </p><p>I'm going to go to bed now, its almost 10pm, (9:34pm pst california) on the 18 of august, my best friend's birthday is in 4 days, they are the best person in my life and I pray that I never lose them. I'm going to go now,</p><p>Goodnight, good morning and good day everyone, and remember.</p><p>Life is weird, you might not like what you see in your mirror right now, but in time you might.</p><p> </p><p>And to whomever needs this, know that I will love you, even if I may never know of your existence.</p><p> </p><p>-reed o'donoghue, vista california, 9:28 pm, 2020, august 18,</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Ch 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An Outlet for thoughts i might never speak</p>
<p>I still have many times throughout the day, where I'll drop into a low state of mind, where the outward emotion shown to others becomes static and expressionless, robotic. During those times my mind will wander through this..., hedge maze of memories and feelings of inadequacy, mixed with thoughts of subtle sadness.</p>
<p>And i'll Be completely aware that this is happening but i'm Powerless to stop it, so it takes its toll and maybe a hour later maybe 20 minutes later i'll Snap back, but, that episode? Has already happened.<br/>Unknown date</p>
<p>16:49, Thursday aug 27</p>
<p>Its happening now, its been going on since, 3? I think.,.....</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. oct 1 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Im sitting in my room with the light off and the blinds closed,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>we moved in a few weeks ago and i'm still looking for a job,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I find myself bored and even though I have a discord server full of friends that I can talk to, I find myself unwanting or unwilling to click into the call.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>even now I can feel my limbs slacking while typing this, I dont know.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I honestly dont dislike the feeling right now, its a focus on the fact that there is no focus right in this moment, no euphoria, no sun shining attitude in a place that averages 100 degrees and sunny.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>my leg is bouncing and it is an odd sensation,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Im staring at my keyboard, only glancing up when I complete a sentence, most words are spelled correct, </p>
<p> </p>
<p>my vision is, becoming, unfocused now, like I need my glasses, but I havent worn them since february., they fog up with the masks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My train of thought just left me. I was going to type somthing more but, nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>my palms are sweaty, from laying on the keyboard, I guess. its 4:15 pm, </p>
<p> </p>
<p>there is something in my left eye, probably an eyelash, or some dust or something,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ive figured out how to customize my keyboards color scheme, its white right now,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>fitting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i cant think of anything else to tell you right now, </p>
<p> </p>
<p>-4:21 pm, henderson, NV, reed odonoghue, </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not having a job is wearing on me, mentally and physically. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I feel useless, worthless, because all im doing is sitting at home,  I have no friends here, and all my job searching brings back nothing but, oh, sorry we aren't hiring right now. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Im trying to lose weight. But then i see myself regressing backwards and my hard work goes down the drain. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And combining this with the fact that my friends are all in college and getting degrees that will help them get good paying careers, and ill end up working a dead end job, it doesn't help either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-oct 6, 2020, reed odonoghue </p>
  </div></div>
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